The Wonderful World of Masaokis

Earlier this month, someone asked me who my favorite Canadian is. Now, that’s a hard question to answer. Not because there’s a dearth of likeable Canadians, but because, for some reason, despite making up less than .5% of the global population, Canadians account for nearly 50% of our most beloved entertainers. Go ahead. Google any of your favorite actors or comedians. There’s a good chance they’re Canadian and you didn’t even know it.

My favorite Canadian isn’t Jim Carey. No, it’s not Michael Myers, either. And no, it’s not Norm Macdonald or Tom Green. It’s actually a YouTuber/amateur chef who goes by Masaokis (often referred to as “the Cooking with Hoarders guy”).

Masaokis is a beautiful mess of a man who’s been making online content since the late 2000s. He’s a hoarder who lives in filth and squalor, with dirty pots and pans cluttering his shower and years’ worth of trash accumulated on his kitchen floor. He once attempted to make an egg white omelette by whisking egg shells. And there was the time he make a peach smoothie with whole peaches…pits included. Then there was the time he tried to thaw a steak on his toilet seat using a cigarette lighter. But my personal favorite has to be the time he tried to make a “sugary sandwich” using Wonder Bread, Turkish delight, and Stride gum. The best part is he’s extremely talkative during all of his videos, lecturing you on everything from rehabilitating child predators, martial arts, necrophilia, and time travel, all while drunk off his ass on sambuca. He’s removed many of his videos over the years, but this channel was kind enough to do God’s work and preserve Masokis’s exploits for the entire world to see.

The best part is, no one knows the guy’s real name or even what he looks like. All anyone knows for sure is that he lives in Montreal and is most likely of Italian descent. It’s been speculated that he may work as a lawyer, though there’s little concrete evidence to back this claim up.

Masaokis also has a blog which has been going strong for over a decade. It was inactive for a while, but it looks like he’s uploaded another short story, not to mention a handful of interactive stories. I especially recommend “The Prince of Darkness.”