Epcot used to be The Walt Disney Company’s vision of the future: a flamboyant, optimistic, GM- and General Electric-sponsored future that feels like something a neutered, lobotomized Ray Bradbury would cook up. It’s still all of those things today, but now it has a Ratatouille ride that always breaks down. It also has the World Showcase, which feels less like Disney’s attempt at teaching parkgoers about geography and foreign cultures and more an attempt at peddling merchandise for various Pixar movies. Like Ratatouille. And Soul for some reason.

Epcot is lame, but it has one thing going for it: Club Cool. Club Cool is great because it allows bored, overheated parkgoers like myself to sample Coca-Cola products from around the world until it’s time to head back to the hotel. You can also pay money for a full-sized Coke, Sprite, or Fanta, but why you’d want to waste your money like that, I have no idea.

Anyhow, here are my impressions of the flavors that Club Cool had on tap when I was there.

Beverly (Italy)

This bitter libation is an Epcot classic. Offerings at Club Cool come and go, but Beverly is a constant. It’s the kind of soft drink you either love or despise. I happen to be a lover, and I’d have no problem downing a comically-oversized das boot of this stuff. And even if you can’t stand it, you’re obligated to at least take a sip when you’re here.

Bonbon Anglais (Madagascar)

This tasted like a cream soda-flavored Dum Dum pop. It had that same vanilla-esque sweetness tempered with a fruity je ne sais quoi. Typically I can’t stomach more than a few sips of either cream or fruit sodas, but I could envision myself nursing a bottle of Bonbon Anglais on a hot June afternoon.

Country Club Merengue (Dominican Republic)

This one was out-of-order when I was at Club Cool, which was disappointing, although I’m pretty sure it would have tasted like a standard kola champagne. The Mexican grocer in my city sometimes has Dominican sodas in their soft drink aisle, so I might have to see if they carry this.

Minute Maid Joy (South Korea)

Club Cool’s still beverages are usually the weakest players in the lineup, but Joy was, well, an absolute joy. This juice mix is a combination of ripe apple and lychee. Apple plays straight man to lychee’s loud, floral antics, and they make a compelling duo.

Royal Wattamelon (Philippines)

There’s always one flavor at Club Cool that fails to make a lasting impression, and for me, that flavor was Royal Wattamelon. This is a sour watermelon soda that tastes like artificial sour watermelon. This soda was, overall, unimpressive and forgettable. The most memorable thing about it was a typo I noticed on its descriptive placard (its flavor is described as “refreshingly, sour” instead of just “refreshingly sour”).

Smart Sour Plum (China)

This sour plum soda tasted like Sweet Baby Ray’s dissolved in seltzer water. This was revolting at first, but as I continued to sip Smart, I began to enjoy it. In the same way Chinese black vinegar will taste like cola until you learn to appreciate its subtleties, Smart Sour Plum needs to be enjoyed mindfully in order for you to comprehend its refreshing yet smoky flavor.

Sprite Cucumber (Russia)

Why haven’t we brought this to the U.S.? I know a lot of people are sore with Russia right now, but damn, they took what was already an A-tier soda and improved it ten-fold. The cucumber not only made this soda more refreshing, but also made it taste less cloyingly sweet.

Viva Raspberry (Moldova)

Moldova is a country I’ve heard of, but it’s not a country I’d be able to identify on a map. In fact, the only thing I know about Moldova and its contributions to the world is that it’s the birthplace of Viva Raspberry, a refreshing raspberry soda with a splash of real raspberry juice. I’d go so far as to say that Viva Raspberry is the best raspberry soda I’ve ever tasted, but I’m also pretty sure this is the only raspberry soda I’ve ever tasted. Regardless, good job, Moldova. Keep it up with your amazing raspberry soda and your [consults Google Maps] shared border with Ukraine and Romania.